Saving your arse!

People, I am literally going to save your arses! The good people of C.A.L.M HQ must be wondering where I have been. But seeing as there is bugger all to review for another few weeks, I thought to myself What else do gamers need? Then bingo!

Yes, yes we need our hands. But when it goes numb or our thumbs start to tingle there is pretty much sod all we can do. And if you want to minimise RSI and arthritis then avoid any version of the PSP like the plague. But we do need our arses!!!

Being the “Inside Gamer” I’m sat on an expensive office chair all day long, to be honest it’s not too bad. But after 3 or 4 hours my amply cushioned cheeks begin to ache. Then you’ve got to waste all that energy moving around. You decide to slouch and put your feet up, “Feet off the desk!” It’s all a bit of a pain in the arse (BAM! Puntastic).

So unless you want to pay £450 for a chair that keeps you comfy for half a day your choices are limited. Now you have these new-fangled “Gaming Chairs”. I would use the word “chair” loosely if I were them. It’s not a chair; it’s a shit lazy amputated rocking chair with crap tinny speakers built into them that sound shitter than a teenager’s mobile phone playing dance tunes on the back of a peasant wagon. I wouldn’t wipe my arse on them (I’m on a roll here!).

So what next? La-z-boy reclainers? Too chunky, like my arse, and far too expensive. There is always the Argos cheap version but I wouldn’t expect that to last a month after its warranty expires. Well I have your arse saving solution right here. Massive epic bean bags.

No I am not taking the piss. I have a giant sized bean bag at home and no matter how long I am attached to it my arse does not get numb! Be it a quick half hour of Pro Evo fun or 18 hours of RPG mayhem my arse remains refreshed. Imagine those lady pad adverts and replace the blue liquid pads with your arse and a bean bag. Do it and feel free to thank me with cash donations later.

Saying that the only thing better would be the replica of Captain Kirk’s command chair that Forbidden Planet are selling, might not be comfy but at least I’d be on the bridge of the Enterprise. Get those donations to me pronto! It’s not cheap.