Parenthood brings with it a lot of big questions: which school should my child go to? Should I ban, tolerate or simply join in with experimental drug taking? How will I explain the birds and the bees? What actually is the story of the birds and the bees, if I should decide to use that time-tested analogy? Can I find it on the internet? Does it involve cross-species sexual relations, as the title suggests? If that's the case, is it a good message to pass on?
Being father to a boy provokes a sub-set of far more specific questions: when he starts bringing girlfriends home, will it be ok to discreetly leer at them? Will we have an Oedipal showdown for the love of his mum/ my wife at some point? Can I throw the fight without making it too obvious, then set up home with one of his aforementioned girlfriends? Finally, and most importantly, which football team should I indoctrinate him into supporting?
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