Left £30 Worse Off

How do you kill a zombie? Shoot it in the head, right? Even the makers of the worst living dead films get that one correct. Not it appears, the makers of Left 4 Dead, a new computer game, where you play either online or on your own as a survivor in a team of four, fending off the invitations to become dinner for thousands of hungry zombies.

The game plays like an arcade game, with less story. The zombies also run, presumably to make them scarier, but as Simon Pegg brilliantly put it- zombies don’t run. The final straw - the ones in this game can be dropped with a pistol shot to the foot or arm. Oh come on, spray and pray tactics with zombies! Maybe I’m a purist, maybe I need to take a step back, but when I pay £30 for a game which claims to have zombies in, I want it to be better than something I could write myself. Make the creatures slower, slow even, throw in some variation of gameplay and location settings and have the fuckers keep coming at you until grey matter erupts from their head like a George Romero wet dream. That game I’ll play.

Fuck it; while I’m here, avoid food places with numbers in the title (e.g. “Pizza Chicken Hot 4 U”). Same rule applies to PC games.