ModNation Racers

Mario Kart meets LittleBigPlanet.

A near perfect description of this funky little game. I’m not going to lie to you, it’s not the greatest game in the world, if you are looking for racing brilliance – then dig out your SNES and play Super Mario Kart, I sincerely doubt that that game will ever be beaten. But ModNation Racers isn’t just about the racing. It’s about what else you can do. Play. Create. Share.

You can simply create anything in this game, to near developer quality. For example, tracks – you can create F1’s Silverstone in as much detail as you can create Ghost Valley from Mario Kart. The creation tool is that good. As for your racing characters; the choice is endless. No doubt by now you can download anything from the Stig to Spiderman, all user created and both in epic detail.

Oh wait, it actually gets better. You can upload anything you create and allow hundreds of other users to play using your kart/racer/tracks. Get enough of your mates online and you’ll have a blast. It really is good fun. There is that word again: fun.

ModNation Racers – FUN.

7/10.

Charity says no

My mate’s running the London Marathon in a couple of weeks. He may enjoy pain, not sure. Either way he’d better get used to it, I hear he may experience some. I do a bit of running myself but I’m more 5K than 3 Shredded Wheat. Hopefully he’ll get a little boost thinking about some of the good he’s doing for charity.

That good won’t be for Cancer Research UK though, or at least not as part of their “flagship event” otherwise known as the Race for Life. Are you a man who would like to run for Cancer Research for someone you love, knowing that said charity are going to support you with the majority of their media presence? Well tough, ‘cause you can’t. If you’re a bloke you can volunteer and marshal but not, you know, actually be involved.

Maybe they’re keen on calling it their flagship campaign as “the UK’s largest women-only fundraising event” is a useful marketing hook. That’s probably why they’ve put “the UK’s largest women-only fundraising event” on their website, in fact. You can do one of their “Runs for Moore”, which are men only (and no-one’s heard of them), or you can run with anyone and everyone and do the Marathon. Or do a sponsored PS3-a-thon, less Vaseline needed for that one. Probably.

"Most countries have a male-to-female suicide rate of at least four to one. It can't all be down to football results, so why the contradiction?"

Hail Shortlist. Previously, I'd never seen this free weekly rag as anything more than toilet paper for hard-up London students. This morning I read an exclusive. An exclusive only because of the frequency at which articles like this are published; nine unadulterated columns of press dedicated to this pressing male issue. Depression.

I imagine this is what Beethoven felt like after he put down his quill having shaded in the last semiquaver on his Ninth Symphony, simultaneously inviting a musical maverick street urchin to play it back to his good ear. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

Don't want to sell myself short here, I've been saying it for years but Andrew Dickens says it so much better: "I'd always feared stigma; as with any 'new' condition, humans are sceptical, lumbering towards understanding it like a gorilla who's just been introduced to flat-pack furniture."

It's just a coincidence it was published on April 1st, I think.

Article here:

Final Fantasy XIII

Firstly, I had a whole other review written for this. But after a few more hours worth of gameplay clocked up when I re-read it I decided it was inaccurate. Final Fantasy XIII tricked me. It wowed and possessed me. Like Michael Bay's Transformers, it promises so much and delivers little.

My main gripe is that I really couldn't give a hoot about the characters. In Final Fantasy VII I cared. I wanted them to do well, I wanted to know them. I cared about them all, well maybe not Cait Sith. With this I could quite happily kick Hope off a cliff, the phoenix down eating little sod and I would take great delight in ripping out Vanille's throat so I wouldn't have to listen to that irritating, wispy laugh of hers that drives me perilously close to insanity.

The story is also a letdown so far. There appears to be no tangible baddie. No focus or aim. There is no Sepiroth to my Cloud. No Vadar to my Luke. I couldn't even tell you what the aim of the story is yet and I’m close to 15 hours in.

Oh and quite possibly the worst thing is, even more so that drowning a sack of kittens, there is no victory fanfare!!! I nearly threw up after my first battle through sheer disgust.

For all its issues it is simply the best looking game on any format. Nothing comes close to looking this good. In full 1080p as well with no screen tearing. It makes you wonder how companies like Traveller's Tales and its LEGO franchise can get away with bloody great big rips through the screen when Square-Enix can produce something this gorgeous.

My sources tell me that the game really picks up after about 25 hours(ish) of gameplay. I do not doubt them. But I shouldn't have to wander through 25 hours of tediousness to get to something good.

6 out of 10.....so far.

Happy Battlefield-mas!

I do not know what the single player campaign is like, and quite frankly, I do not care. Battlefield games are all about the Multiplayer! And Oh. My. Word. What a multiplayer Battlefield: Bad Company 2 has!

I'll be honest with you, I'm a sniper. A camping, hiding, sneaky little f****r of a sniper that will blow your head off from a million miles away. If you do happen to come anywhere near me you are likely to have me stab you in the back. While you're staring, with rising fury so pure that you might "Hulk out", at another re-spawn screen, I am cackling away like the Wicked Witch of the West. Oh it is glorious.

The maps are superb and offer a great variation in terrain and locations. From twilight in snowy mountains to a sand storm at a desert port, there is a map everyone will love. Plus, a new downloadable Map Pack is scheduled for next month, it is only going to get better. With customisable soldier classes each player can also tailor each class to his or hers personal needs. A definite improvement on the original.

Some people argue that Battlefield isn't as good as COD online. I call those people "Wrong". It's better. I find it to be a more fun and slightly more arcadey FPS that is a joy to play. Obviously though if you are having an off day you will want to insert your 360/PS3 into the television at an extremely high velocity.

Get it now!

9/10

Sony’s New Heavy-weight Exclusive

If you haven't heard about this game then shame on you! I've been harping on about it for months. And finally, it is here! Heavy Rain. This is not like most games; in fact the best description I can give it is an interactive movie. Trust me; this is not a bad thing. While the plot and story might seem quite linear, every single decision you make effects how the plot unravels. If rumors and speculation are to be believed, then there approximately 20+ different endings.

Obviously you would have massive OCD issues to complete it that many times, or no life, or a bit of both. Anyway, you get the epic scale I'm talking about here. The game looks gorgeous too; even in SD I was surprised at how nice it looked. HD is just a crisp and sleek, gorgeous.

There is a bit of minor negative press about Heavy Rain though. With one of the female characters you are able to see her topless in the shower!!! Disgraceful!! That kind of stuff never appears on TV. Kids cannot access that on the internet!!! How dare it be in a game!! March to Downing Street and get Gormless Brown to nationally burn all copies on a bonfire. Anyone who is even bothered or offended by that should be rounded up and dumped on an Island devoid of technology. Then they can have something to complain about it.

Anyway, yeah - erm get Heavy Rain! You won't be disappointed. If you are I have two fingers to stick up at you.

8.5/10